For Isamu

[suomi_thunder]

After this

It was a few days after the New Year before Aarne could manage to get to visit. He was newly engaged and had spent the week between Christmas and New Years with Joe. He also had an excuse. Since Isamu never showed up at the Christmas party, Aarne had gifts that were never picked up. One was a very old book from Vars on old Norse language and folklore, the others were smaller things and sweets. He was worried but knocked on the door anyway. Everyone had a hard time some times.

Comments

[itmeanscourage]

It was a good thing Aarne waited. The twins had rung in the new year in Japan, only returning to the Nexus earlier that day.

It was evening, and Minoru had already headed off to work. (And over the balcony, no less. It was winter, so the downstairs neighbor didn't have any tulips for him to flatten.) Isamu answered the door.

"Oh, good evening Aarne. To what do I owe this spontaneous visit?"

If Aarne looked into the living room, he'd see the blanket he made in plain view. Minoru did indeed have it out on the couch, and from the book next to it, there was a good chance Isamu had been underneath it until just now.

[suomi_thunder]

Isamu also gets an impromptu hug to go with the spontaneous visit. "We missed you at Yule."

And he lifted the bag of things he had, though it was smaller than the enormous bag that had been sent to their parents.

[itmeanscourage]

It was good to see Aarne again, though his face fell a bit when the party was mentioned.

"Ah. Right. The yuletide festivities..." Isamu backed up, welcoming Aarne inside. "On the one hand, I had quite a bit of data analysis to catch up on. On the other, I believe Minoru had the entire registry of gifts covered all on his own. My assistance was hardly necessary."

[suomi_thunder]

Aarne came in and could feel that something was odd and off but he had no idea what it was yet.

"Maybe he didn't, but we still missed you." Aarne shrugged. "You missed the most intense argument I've ever heard happen in old Norse." Aarne had honestly never seen an argument happen in old Norse but Vars and Trygg had very different, opposing even, views of their spirituality and it had gotten heated, though it was still civil. He was fascinated and could only imagine what Isamu might have gotten out of it.

[itmeanscourage]

"Did I now." he raised an eyebrow. Unfortunately, old Norse wasn't one of the languages he was familiar with, so the nature of the argument would have likely gone over his head. But knowing how animated a lot of them could get, he could certainly imagine it.

"I obtained the usual copious amount of omamori from the shrine we visited." Isamu gestured to the coffee table in front of the sofa. There were stacks and stacks of them. There was also a bowl of sweets and other wagashi. Buried underneath the omamori were real estate brochures. "If you would like to select one, you may."

[suomi_thunder]

Aarne looked at the huge pile of omamori. "That's a lot."

He had never seen any pile of amulets that big. "These are for you."

He offered Isamu the bag before heading over to the table to look at the omamori. Since he believed everything had a spirit, the Finn wanted to touch all of the omamori before choosing one which meant he noticed the brochures. He wasn't sure if he should ask about it but then decided to just pick up one of the brochures with a genuine curiosity. He'd never owned a house or even thought about it since he was planning to go back to the nomadic side of his family when that time came around in his life.

[itmeanscourage]

Isamu accepted the gift gracefully, taking it with both hands. He couldn't help but smile at the bag of sweets. Itaru wasn't the only one with a taste for those lemon drops. Isamu was a massive fan of them too.

"Thank you very much. I wanted to ensure that everyone's desires for prosperity in the new year are accounted for..." he began, his words stalling when he saw Aarne looking at what was under the amulets. "Those are not omamori."

[suomi_thunder]

Vars did send lots of gifts to people, most of them were gift givers honestly.

Aarne looked up from the pamphlet in his hands. "I know. This house on the front is pretty."

The idea that they might be looking at a house didn't seem strange. After all, Isamu had a good job and Minoru had just won a lot of money. The rockstars often bought new houses when they came into a lot of money too.

[itmeanscourage]

No, the stranger part was probably Isamu's response. Or lack there of, considering how verbose the scientist tended to be.

"Your point?"

[suomi_thunder]

Aarne looked at Isamu with a raised brow and a bit of confused look. "What is that supposed to mean?"

The Finn wasn't even thinking about Minoru at the moment. He felt dismissed in a strange way. "You must be buried to your ass in data."

Aarne figured that maybe he was burned out. Rik got like this sometimes, quiet, when he had too much music to write. Maybe Isamu was the same.

[itmeanscourage]

"It means..." he sighed loudly. "That quite frankly, I would be buried to my ass, as you put it, in these brochures if Minoru had his way. If he wishes to purchase a home for himself, he can do that without my assistance as well."

[suomi_thunder]

Aarne got wide eyed. "Fuck."

The Finn is genuinely shocked and set the brochure down on the table. "I've never heard either of you not want to be part of the big things in each other's lives."

Well, this explained why Minoru felt things were off. Aarne felt like things were off and he wasn't anywhere near Martyn or Rik who was good at dealing with people when they were feeling some kind of bad way.

[itmeanscourage]

"No, normally the decisions we make are mutually beneficial." he huffed, a clear insinuation that, somehow, home buying was not.

[suomi_thunder]

Aarne is very confused, more confused if that is possible. It shows in his expression and tone. "I thought people wanted to buy a house when they got good at their jobs?" He meant that too. "He's won like the best prize he can, and you're always writing important papers.. so...?"

He doesn't know what to ask but this seems so counter to how the rest of the bands and other people acted. Maybe scientists were... no, because Tom and Martyn both owned houses. Aarne can't wrap his head around what is going on.

[itmeanscourage]

"Of course they do. In all honestly, I should have expected nothing less." he crossed his arms defensively. "Yes, Minoru is a literal American Ninja Warrior Champion. I, meanwhile, am a researcher funded entirely by grants, receiving a stipend insufficient to cover the entirety of the rent on this apartment after he leaves!"

There it was. There it finally was.

Not all scientists were famous astronauts, practicing doctors or botanists employed at multi-billion dollar companies. IRIS wasn't a for-profit organization. Studying here was primarily for experience, not money. (Not to mention he still had a massive amount of student loan debt he'd accumulated.)

[suomi_thunder]

Aarne shrugged a little. "You don't have to tell a rockstar. A lot of us were homeless and living on bar pretzels at some point." That story had come right from Rekker's mouth about going to New York City with nothing but his guitar and a suitcase.

Then Aarne got confused again. "You're not going to live with him?" Minoru hadn't mentioned that part. He could understand that making someone upset but he couldn't imagine Minoru just telling his brother to fuck off somewhere else when he moved either.

[itmeanscourage]

"He has yet to offer. So I have yet to ask." Isamu huffed.

Which also didn't sound very much like Minoru. Minoru literally moved across the country (and into interdimensional space) with his brother, getting a job to pay their rent, quitting each job he had and looking for a new one in the next place Isamu's academic pursuits took him. And never once did he complain about it.

Something really wasn't adding up here.

[suomi_thunder]

Aarne was watching the behavior and sighed. "We don't ask the tarts on the tour anything either when they're being short and huffy. It doesn't go well if you do."

That was an honest observation. Aarne certainly wouldn't want to ask anyone something if this was how they were interacting.

"If he wants you up to your ass in brochures isn't that kind of asking your opinion on things?" Aarne was trying to put things together.

[itmeanscourage]

"Yes, probably to calculate the amount of padded mats he will need to convert a large portion of his future dwelling into a freerunner's paradise." Isamu rolled his eyes. "He is the successful one. My opinions are hardly relevant."

[suomi_thunder]

Aarne face palmed. He couldn't help it because this sounded like the dumbest thing he's ever heard. This was up there with Billy thinking Rik would leave him for someone else or Hunter being a nervous wreck thinking Gilly wouldn't want to spend forever with him.

"You're making shit up." Aarne shook his head. "You haven't even asked anything. I've never seen you make up facts instead of asking fifty thousand questions."

He needed called out because this was definitely ridiculous the same way Billy had been ridiculous. Aarne was guilty of it too. "I thought the same kind of things about Joe and .. I was lying to myself." Aarne looked down at the ring on his finger. Maybe he shouldn't be calling Isamu out over something he did too.

[itmeanscourage]

"There is a significant difference between asking questions for the sake of hypothesizing and asking questions you do not actually want to know the answers to." he countered.

But his anger could only hide his insecurity so much at this point. There was a real, honest fear that Minoru would move on with his life and leave him behind. And yes, there was a fair bit of jealousy too. But it was mostly fear.

Unfortunately, Isamu missed the shift in Aarne's gaze, and he had not yet noticed the ring.

[suomi_thunder]

Aarne rolled his eyes. "I think you've hypothesized too much without research."

Aarne felt like he should have drank first and made Robert drive him. This might make more sense drunk than it did sober. He suddenly understood why Davy and Gilly slapped everyone when they said something really stupid. The urge was there even if Aarne would never do it, at least not to Isamu.

"What answer do you think you will get?"

[itmeanscourage]

“Without research?” Isamu spat. “He went back to school again. Did you know that? He has been taking classes online for the last year at least, purposefully hiding it from me specifically.”

This bothered Isamu for multiple reasons. First, because academics was his area of expertise. Second, he spent so much time and energy trying to support Minoru and help him succeed when he’d enrolled in the PTA program the first time. Lastly, perhaps most importantly, while Minoru had a list of reasons for dropping out, Isamu’s approach to that support was one of them.

A fair amount of the rock stars and their crew knew Minoru was taking online classes. And had been told at least once not to tell Isamu. Even the twins’ parents eventually found out, which is how Isamu accidentally heard about it.

He let that sink in.

“What answer do I think I will receive?!” He repeated angrily.

Then, he sighed.

“…That he is perfectly fine on his own.” Isamu lowered his head. This was very difficult to someone with Isamu’s pride to admit. “…I am not.”

[suomi_thunder]

Aarne didn't know the situation but he could certainly imagine after living where he was under pressure to be like everyone else. "I don't blame him in the situation where he has someone that everyone else sees as academically superior constantly in his presence." Aarne was calm but serious. "You know, Mikkel is afraid of you because of that? He's afraid you'll treat him like he's stupid because he didn't go to school like you and can't keep up?"

Aarne crossed his arms and frowned. "Minoru literally has a rockstar boyfriend with.. I don't know 2 or three houses and Minoru chooses to live here with you." Aarne shook his head. "He chooses being here with you instead of the person he loves and you're having some tantrum about him not wanting you around." Aarne shook his head and bit back the desire to call Isamu stupid because this really did sound dumb. He couldn't hide the what the fuck expression though.

[itmeanscourage]

“I am not having a tantrum. I am emphatically describing the current situation in which I find myself.” Isamu crossed his arms. And he scoffed, “Mikkel’s self-worth might improve significantly if he managed the same calculations as I have.”

The number of houses Ziggy owned and the fact that Minoru does indeed have a rockstar boyfriend only added to those calculations.

“Am I happy for Minoru? For his accomplishments? Yes… of course. But at the end of the day, I am supposed to be the successful one. I am the one who finished at the top of my class three times. I am the one accepted for a research grant at the prestigious Institute for Research and Interdimensional Studies. I am the brilliant scientist… I should have everything figured out.”

And the truth of the matter was, he didn’t.

It was all Minoru. Minoru’s name was on the lease and all the important accounts. Minoru owned the car. Minoru had the career, the paycheck, the rockstar boyfriend with his multiple houses, the American Ninja Warrior championship, the fan club… and he was getting pretty close to an associates degree too.

And that didn’t even hold a candle to all the times Minoru was just plain there.

“Minoru does not need my support. His secret classes prove that…” his voice was quiet. “But everything I have ever done… Minoru has supported me. Looking back, I… I could not have done it without him. And I still cannot… If that goes away… I do not know what I will do…”

[suomi_thunder]

Aarne's expression darkened. "You should thank the fucking spirits for the life that lets you do those calculations and didn't spend your fucking childhood being beaten until your bones broke and your teenage years fighting to stay conscious while someone tried to beat you unconscious so they could give you to friends as a sex doll for political favors. Not everyone has been as fortunate as you have been and it's bullshit that you act like you have nothing."

It's clear that Isamu's words hit a sore spot in Aarne. As someone who also spent time being abused, though not by his family, he had a protective streak for the younger Dane's situation. Aarne shook his head.

"You do know almost everyone sees you as the more successful of the two of you? You're seen as the smart one, the one that finished everything, the one that demands everyone acknowledge the value of your intellect. Do you ever stop to think what it might be like living around that constantly?" Aarne sighed and felt the upset fading. His voice and expression softened and calmed. "That's the point of being alive, to figure out how to live. No one has it figured out. If we did, no one would need spirits to guide them, or gods, or questions to answer with science."

Aarne shook his head. "You're still making all this shit up without asking especially when the past shows you that Minoru chooses being with you over everyone else. Go to the apartment and look at the brothers with boyfriends. They all move out to be with their partners. Minoru hasn't but you're still standing here acting like you aren't important to him. From here it all sounds dumb as shit."

[itmeanscourage]

Aarne’s reaction was both horrific and oddly specific. Unfortunately, Isamu couldn’t imagine how it was applicable, beyond the ‘be grateful for what you have’ moral. Reacting to that would be about as useful (and as safe) as discussing scientific experiments with an Anthean, so he focused on the rhetorical questions instead.

“It is good for me, then, that they have not deduced otherwise.” He huffed. “I can only imagine how much their opinion may suffer when they all realize that I am the smart one, but my success has been largely, if not entirely, conditional. And that between us, Minoru is the only one who possesses the ability to land on his own two feet when the rug is pulled out from under him. Both literally and metaphorically.”

He sighed. “The past has also proven that Minoru does not exactly follow, or even truly comprehend, societal norms where relationships are concerned. He is a small asexual corner of a very sexual love dodecahedron. I can not imagine him finding it appealing to move in with, say, Ziggy and Mick. Truth be told no one in our family never expected him to have a romantic relationship at all.”

In other words, that last bit is irrelevant too. Or at least refutable.

[suomi_thunder]

Aarne listened but he was through with Isamu's circling around to make everything fit his preconceived notions of what was happening.

"Isamu, stop. Stop making up bullshit facts about your brother and other people to fit your own fantasies that allow you to continue to have this tantrum over what amounts to made up data."

The Finn was frustrated. "I never thought you would be making up data to suit yourself." Aarne shook his head. "You're someone I trust but right now you are acting like a fool that needs a good kick in the ass with a boot."

Aarne let out a heavy breath. "You know how I know this is made up bullshit? Because I talked to your brother and he doesn't have any fucking idea why you're treating him like a curt asshole right now."

[itmeanscourage]

Truth be told, Isamu probably did need a good kick in the ass with a boot. These were all things he’d told himself long enough and strongly enough that he was convinced they were true.

“I am not making up data! Do not ever accuse me of making up data!”

But that argument ended when Aarne provided some very strong evidence to the contrary.

“How on earth does he NOT?!”

[suomi_thunder]

Aarne wasn't going to take this, not from a friend who needed a serious wake up call before the caused serious family turmoil.

"I'm not accusing you. I'm telling you that you are making shit up. I know you are because I went and fucking found the data while you sat here and obsessed over some fantasy land."

Aarne was trying not to get too stirred up. "Well, maybe if you said more than two words at a time to him?" Aarne wasn't upset but that desire to just kick Isamu in the ass was getting intrusive. "Tell you the truth, when someone goes from answering everything with a ten minute monologue of details to one and two word answers, it makes people feel like they're angry with them, hate them or just don't want to talk to them at all. He doesn't know because you haven't told him a damned thing."

[itmeanscourage]

“…I do not want to talk about this.”

His mind drifted back to encounters he’d had with an angel shortly after he first arrived in the Nexus, to encounters he’d had with Ziggy about his scientific experiments, to the fact that his research grant with IRIS would be coming to an end soon.

“Allow me to clarify the prior statement, I do not want to talk about this with Minoru.”

[suomi_thunder]

"Fine. You don't have to but you don't get to be a surly little bitch to everyone else because you don't feel like doing something. That is unfair to go around saying other people are the bad guy because you don't want an answer to a question you've made up a fake answer to." Aarne was at the point where he felt like he was beating his head on the wall, that wall being Isamu's pride or ego.

Aarne took the bag of gifts he was still holding and shoved it into Isamu's chest. "Here these are from the rest of the people that care about you but you couldn't be bothered to talk to." Aarne was a little aggrovated. "I came here partially to make sure you got these after everyone started asking where you were at Yule."

[itmeanscourage]

His pride/ego is a very strong wall, sturdily built and thoroughly reinforced. (He’s probably made the hypothetical calculations for that too.) it probably has a bookshelf on it. Or twelve…

Not expecting it, he hit the back of the couch when Aarne pushed the gifts into his chest.

“Oh.” He looked down at the bag. “… thank you. Um… Feel free to take as many omamori as you like, for the others, in return.”

[suomi_thunder]

Aarne reached to catch Isamu as he fell back, glad that the couch was there.

"I don't want the omamori. I wanted you there for the holidays but you were too busy thinking about yourself." There was the hurt and it came out because of so many reasons. "You have gifts in there from people you don't even know because I couldn't introduce you to them."

Aarne stepped away to absently look through the omamori and give himself a break to breathe so he didn't say anything he didn't mean. He did mean what he had just said. Despite all of this he did consider Isamu, and Minoru, good friends, close to family. The fact that one of his close friends wasn't there on an important holiday, when he could share his engagement hurt too.

[itmeanscourage]

The silence stretched uncomfortably. Eventually, Isamu asked, “Did I miss anything of significant importance?”

If there was ever evidence that the brothers hadn’t been talking lately, even on their so-called ‘family trip’ to Japan, that was it.

[suomi_thunder]

Aarne shrugged. "I don't know what the people who sent those gifts might have said."

The Finn felt the weight of what he was about to say but stepped away to plop down on the couch beside Isamu, dejected. "One of my good friends missed our traditional drink to celebrate this..."

Aarne looked over at Isamu and held up his hand with the silver antler and blue stone ring. "If my family had been here they would consider your absence a bad omen."

Aarne did too but not about his engagement. Luckily, Joe didn't have any of these superstitions.